Bojan Kanja from Srem and Iris from America met like most modern couples today who cannot find love in their surroundings – on the internet. A message that sat unread for three months, hidden in a forgotten inbox, eventually became the start of their story together and changed both of their lives fundamentally.
At the moment he first reached out to her on Facebook, Bojan, a historian by profession, was already on the verge of giving up on love – he had a divorce and a difficult period behind him, and the desire to find someone was slowly giving way to fatigue and disappointment.
On the other hand, Iris was going through her own turning point in America. After her divorce, she lived in Texas and tried to build a new life, but, as she says, she increasingly felt the pressure of a fast-paced and insecure environment. Her daily life was reduced to work, stress, and a constant sense of unease, to the point that, fearing for her own safety, she even started carrying a weapon. In search of a different life, she decided to leave everything behind and take a path of complete freedom – she lived in a van, traveled, and tried to find peace and a new direction.
-You go to buy eggs, and you end up dodging bullets. Who wants to live like that? I just thought: “I don’t feel safe.” Everyone is always in some rush, everything is fast, and I said to myself: “I just want a slower life. I want to travel, to meet new people, to find love.” And another thing was that I had gone through a divorce and was no longer that connected to either friends or family – Iris told us.
It was during that period, while she was trying to figure out where to go next, that the message she hadn’t even seen for months arrived. When she finally opened it and replied, a conversation began that did not stop – for hours, days, over and over again.
Even then, it was clear that this was no ordinary correspondence.
Came for three months, stayed forever
Shortly thereafter, the first meeting followed. Iris came to Serbia, and Bojan, despite the anxiety and fear that followed him in everyday situations at the time, gathered the strength to wait for her at the airport. That moment, as he says, he remembers as a turning point – as soon as he hugged her, he felt a peace he hadn’t had for a long time.
-She actually saved me. She pulled me out of all my depressions, changed my life, and made me think differently. I felt as if a part of my soul had returned. That is the most realistic way to put it. When I hug her, that’s it. I calm down; it’s like medicine. She is like medicine to me – says Bojan.
What was supposed to be a three-month visit soon grew into a decision for Iris to stay. Instead of returning to America and the old way of life, Iris started a new one with Bojan in Bingula, in the heart of Srem, where they bought a house and began building a home together.
Speaking about life in the village, Iris emphasizes how much the sense of community she didn’t have before means to her.
-Here there is a community and people help each other. It happens that we come home and a bucket full of potatoes is waiting for us on the porch. We don’t know who left it, but someone had extra so they shared it with us.
His son from his first marriage calls her “mom”
Iris found not only a partner in Serbia, but also a family – Bojan’s 13-year-old son from his first marriage, Džimi, accepted her immediately and spontaneously began calling her “mom,” and that bond is, as they say, unbreakable today.
By a twist of fate, the family expanded again. Two years after Iris stayed in Serbia, Bojan and her were joined by her mother Darlene, a retired teacher, who after her first visit, sad about being separated from her daughter and disillusioned with life in America, decided to leave everything she had built and move in with them. What started as a temporary visit turned into a permanent decision – today they live together, help each other, and learn from one another.
Iris became Milica, and Darlene became Dragica
The next important step for this community came naturally – shortly before their wedding and marriage, Iris was baptized in the church in Bingula, where she received the name Milica, and together with her, her mother was also baptized, receiving the name Dragica. With this, Iris says, she felt for the first time that she truly belongs here.
-You know, it’s one thing to come here; I’m getting permanent residency and citizenship this year and I’m really excited about that. But you would think that is what makes you feel at home. However, it was actually the baptism that made me feel for the first time that this is my home. That was a different experience for me, because the way we baptize in America is different. Here the tradition is much deeper and older, and it was important for me to get closer to it and be a part of it – Iris told us.
-The only thing that surprised me a bit was the pouring of water over the head, because when that happened to my mom, she said: “What’s happening now?”.
Today, far from the life she left behind, Iris leads a completely different daily routine. She spends her days in the yard, among animals, which she feeds, calls out to, and cares for as if they were part of the family – and they, it seems, return the favor in kind.
In their home in Bingula, we found Milica in the yard, doing daily chores around the animals. She fed them, called them, and spoke to them with ease, completely integrated into the rhythm of village life that was once entirely unknown to her. As she assures us, but also as she promises, she is learning the Serbian language more and more. Although she says she understands everything from others’ conversations, she still can’t manage it herself. Nevertheless, it is clear that she has already learned a lot about Serbia and Serbs – from the way of life to the mentality of the people in the village. She manages her daily life, understands how things work and, most importantly, has accepted such a life without reservation.
Even though they have animals and care for them, Bojan and Milica do not yet live off that. Both work online jobs, while life in the village brings them the rest – food, peace, and a sense of fulfillment. Precisely that combination, they say, suits them best for now.
Although they have a fulfilling family life today, their path was not without challenges. As they say, they have been trying to have a child together, but have not succeeded so far. Because of this, as well as the desire to give love and security to someone else, they are thinking about becoming a foster family in the future and sharing the home they are still building with children who need it most.
Source: Blic, Photo: Printscreen Blic TV